Time to scale things back

As discussed in the previous blog, I showed up to bocce with a scale in my hand and a song in my heart. Twenty-three individuals chose to participate in the Martin V Diet.  Those brave and committed individuals are well on their way to shedding the excess body fat that they didn’t know existed until I was kind enough to point it out to them. You will be able to follow everyone’s success by reviewing the diet progress page, entitled "The Weight Room" located on the right hand side of this blog.  As promised, I will do my part to assist everyone by attempting to make people accountable; how I go about that remains to be seen, but has the potential to fall on the tough love side of the ledger. Having said that, please know that I will never reveal anyones actual weight, come on, even I know when there are lines that can't be crossed.

One thing I can reveal is that the Lovely Mrs. Lynch and I don't have as open and honest a relationship as I once believed.  It turns out that Suzanne has been telling me she has been a certain weight for the past five years; but lo and behold, the weight she has been telling me, and the weight that appeared on the scale, weren't anywhere close to each other. So, unless those pretty earrings she had on weigh 26 pounds, I'm going to have to assume she's been lying to me. Anyhow, stay tuned for those updates.

A close up of Suzanne's "26 pound earrings"

Moving on, I was playing bocce with Cindy Lembach and Sherry Tighe this past Saturday, and I must say, I didn’t realize how competitive these two women are with each other. Both of them were talking about how many sit ups they can do, and how many miles they can run, and how good their appetizers are, and how well they can bake pies.  Each one was trying to outdo the other.  This situation was getting a little heated so I thought I would try to calm everyone down and put a stop to it by saying “look, you’re both beautiful women and this behavior is not making you ladies look attractive.” That’s when one of them says, “well who do you think is more attractive?” This was not what I planned, but to put an end to this constant one-upmanship, I decided to use a tried and true method of diffusing tense situations, and simply asked each of them to stick out their tongue.

Cindy Lembach went first, and I must say, was very impressive.

Sherry Tighe went second, and I must say, she didn’t give me the same

warm and fuzzy that I got from Cindy.

Suffice to say, going forward, Cindy will be replacing Sherry in our starting rotation. In fact, maybe Sherry can just stay home the rest of the season.

After I settled down from the tongue thing, I was telling a story of how I was watching a cooking show with Paula Dean and Oprah Winfrey over the holiday, when all of a sudden Denine Consolo of The Squirmy Bastards says, that’s my cousin.  Almost simultaneously, Susanna Longo of Long Balls also says, that’s my cousin.  So now I’m thinking that Denine and Susanna must be related somehow.  However, after some further digging I determined that it’s not likely that these two My Bocce League members have any real blood connection.

Paula Dean and Oprah Winfrey whipping up some grits.

Denine and her cousin Paula might just share a similar mindset.

Susanna and her long lost cousin Oprah don’t really see eye to eye these days.

Susan Ferrazza of Ba-Da-Bing Ba-Da-Bump, is this week’s proof that My Bocce League members get better looking with age.

Susan Ferrazza (left) just before she had her first “visitor” and (right) getting ready for her last visitor.

By the way, Karen Politi did show up with a tray of cookies and a couple of lame excuses as to why there was a delay in their arrival.  Nonetheless, all of the bocce members who ate the cookies found them to be quite tasty, well that is, with the lone exception being Carl DiVita, who at his kindest said they were incredibly average and at his most honest, described them as the worst tasting hunk of shit he’s ever made the mistake of biting into.  For the record, I found them to be quite delicious, and disagree whole-heartedly with Carl’s culinary review.

I think Carl is mean because he wasn’t loved as a child, go figure. 
Unlike most My Bocce League members, Carl hasn’t gotten better looking with age.

All of the Ryzner baby squares have been sold and you can review the grid by clicking on the tab located at the top of this page.  We will be using half of the proceeds to purchase a baby gift for Yolonda and Andrew, with the other half of the pot going to the person who is holding the lucky square.  FYI, the due date is January 18, 2014.  Good luck and thank you to all that participated.


Spreading good cheer!
Marty Lynch
The Court Marshal