My Bowling League Is Back

Happy Belated Halloween,

It’s obviously been a while since I put something out; and the reason for that is, well quite frankly, none of your god damn business. I won’t attempt to go back and recreate the events from the first two weeks of bowling. My memory is not what it used to be, and I’d rather not just make things up and risk losing my journalistic credibility with you folks. So perhaps I’ll just focus on a couple of things that jumped out at me from week three; here goes.

Without naming names (Himmel, Kane, Sirselle) some of you people are complete dick heads. Here it is 4pm on Sunday when Sherry Tighe forwards me a text she received from Cristen Kane saying that “No Spare Time” won’t be able to be at bowling that night. The Himmel’s have a Jewish ceremony to attend, the Kane’s have a soccer game to go to, and Jim Sirselle just had surgery. Now we all know how understanding I am when it comes to blowing off bowling; so it should come as no surprise that “No Spare Time” will have plenty of spare time next year to handle all of their trivial matters. Shit, I might just work out a mid-season replacement to drive the point home to the rest of you d-bags.

Here’s a suggestion, next time why don’t you call Rabbi Rabinowitz and tell him you’d love to spend the night yapping in Yiddish but you’ll be tied up that evening drinking beer and sucking down some non-kosher corn dogs. Or perhaps you might let Coach Soccer Sissy know that you’d love to sit around in the rain for five hours watching a bunch of school girls run back and forth so that one team can win 1-0 in some stupid triple overtime shootout, but you’ve got your own game to go to; a game that I should point out allows you to rub your balls for a purpose other than to simply stay warm. And for God’s sake Sirselle, only pussy’s have surgery during the season, so suck it up and play with a bit of discomfort you little bitch. I’m not all together sure what those people dressed up like on Halloween, but I’m guessing they looked something like this.


Brian and Melissa Himmel

Brian and Cristen Kane

Abigail and Jim Sirselle

Before I forget, I should mention that we had a few bowlers running for elected office this past Tuesday. Last year’s seldom-seen-sub, Scott Mills was re-elected to an At-Large seat on the Highland Heights City Council. This year, though still a sub with no team, he has managed to show up each week,… with guess what,…you got it,… campaign literature. This guy has his picture plastered all over everything, so most of you know who I’m talking about. But for those of you that are new to the league, as a courtesy, I’ll put his picture up one more time. My guess is now that he was re-elected, we won't see him for four more years.

Scott Mills

Another bowling sub, Rocco Dolciato came up a bit short in his run for the Ward 2 council seat in Highland Heights. I was actually somewhat shocked by that because Ward 2 is an enclave of Italians, which come to think of it, is surrounded by an enclave of Italians. So I’m thinking, how could a guy with that name lose in that area? After some thorough research, I’m guessing that he may have fared better had he not run against a wise guy named Leonardo Ricardo Lombardo. Sorry Rocco, ten vowels trumps your meager six syllable name any day of the week.

Rocco Dolciato (2nd from left) & da committee

Finally, Mark Byrne was unable to capture a seat on the South Euclid/Lyndhurst school board. I’m sure everyone remembers Mark, “the dog-trainer” from last year.
While Mark had the decency not to glad hand and make stump speeches at Freeway Lanes, like Mills did, that’s probably not what cost him the election. I’m guessing that he fell victim to the same thing that cost the East Cleveland Mayor, Eric Brewer his job last month; untimely photographs. So let this be a lesson to all of you who may seek office in the future; do not be cruel to animals. More importantly, be extremely careful when selecting a Halloween costume three days before the polls open.

Mark Byrne, looking mighty natural

I look forward to seeing all of you candy eating fat asses this Sunday November 8th.

XO,

Marty Lynch
The King Pin

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