Youngstown Tina Brown

By now, I trust that everyone has had an opportunity to meet Tina Brown. If you haven’t, dare I say, you’re not missing much. Okay, that was a dick thing to say, but in my defense, I got that line from her husband Mike Brown, who apparently uses it on her all the time. So in effect, I’m just the messenger.

Regardless, a few weeks back Tina sends me an email wanting to know why I hadn’t written anything on the blog for so long. Then, she has the ballage to say that I’m nothing more than a one-hit-wonder or worse yet, that I suffer from something as amateurish as writers block. Me, a one-hit-wonder; how flattering. Need I remind you, that happens to be the same designation given to some guys named Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John? As for writers block, are you kidding me? You jerk-offs provide me with more material than I know what to do with.

Anyhow, since Tina wants me to write something, then that’s what I’ll do. As some of you know, on November 6, 2009, Tina was supposed to host the fifth annual Martin V. Invitational dinner party at her home. Those who don’t know anything about it, obviously, weren’t invited. Nonetheless, on November 4th Tina called me saying that she had to cancel the party because both she and Mike had come down with the swine flu. Now, Mike with the swine flu makes total sense, in fact, if you told me he was the original carrier of the swine flu I’d believe that too. But Tina leads way too healthy a life-style to ever get sick.

What I’m trying to say is that I know Tina is lying to me; I simply need to get proof. So I decided to don my Inspector Clouseau outfit and stake out the Brown residence. Sure enough, at 5:05 pm that Friday evening the garage door opens; Tina backs out of the driveway and off she goes. I quickly jump into my un-marked Chrysler Cordoba and follow her, and follow her, and follow her, until finally; she pulls into the Youngstown branch of the YWCA.


Ole Martin V. staking out the Brown's house.

For those of you who don’t know, Tina is a workout freak, who has begun entering female body building contests. The problem is that she is bashful and doesn’t want anyone she knows to see her in a swim suit; therefore, she only goes to contests out of the Cleveland area. Well now I’ve seen her in a swim suit, and guess what? I sure wish I hadn’t.


A freshly shaven buttocks?

As she left the YWCA, I felt compelled to confront her about this lie. When I catch up to her in the parking lot she is clearly rattled. She’s apologetic but assures me that Mike really did have the swine flu, and what difference did it make if she wasn’t sick, Mike was sick so there couldn’t be a party anyhow. I could no longer believe anything she had to say. So I quickly stated that no decent wife would ever leave her sick husband at home alone to fend for himself. Tina immediately assured me that she took all of the necessary procautions to ensure that Mike would be fine until she returned, and if I didn’t believe her I was welcome to follow her back to her house and see Mike for myself. Which is just what I did, and guess what? I sure wish I hadn’t.


A well cared for Mike Brown?

In closing, let me say that if anyone else would like to question what I write or when I write it, please, and I mean this, please don't hesitate to contact me and voice your feelings.

I look forward to hearing from you,

Marty Lynch
The King Pin

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