Cira Goes On The Disabled List

As some of you may have noticed, I roam the lanes from time to time. In doing so this week I overheard Greg Cira telling some guys how he couldn’t bowl because he tore a ligament in his bicep. He went on to volunteer that he injured it on that crazy P90X fitness video. I’ve seen that shit on TV and I get tired just watching it; and Greg pointed out that the workout is absolutely brutal, and he wouldn’t advise anyone to do it unless they’re a trained Olympic athlete. Well, you don’t have to spend a lot of time convincing Ole Martin V. to sit on his lazy ass and do nothing. Nonetheless, I had to give Cira some credit for having the energy to pick up the phone and buy it. When I was confronted with the same infomercial, I didn’t even have the energy to pick up the remote and change channels.

Cira can't wait for his full body make-over

Ole Martin V. not quite ready to make the same commitment

Alright, I’ll admit it; I was impressed. Impressed that is, until Greg walked away and I saw his wife Jennifer rolling her eyes, and biting her lip; in what certainly looked like an obvious effort not to say anything. All of a sudden I began to think that maybe, just maybe, Cira was lying. So I asked her if Greg had actually hurt himself on the P90X. Mrs. Cira thought for a moment, sighed, and said, yes I suppose he did hurt himself on the P90X. Finding myself a bit confused, I ask her to elaborate. She wanted to make sure that I knew Greg didn’t actually lie, but he didn’t really tell the truth either. Her story was a bit different from what Mr. Cira was leading people to believe.


Jennifer Cira getting tired of covering for Greg's bullshit stories

It turns out that Greg was very excited with the arrival of the UPS package containing the videos that were certain to transform his “clinically” obese body into one that would make Adonis scream with envy. Immediately he grabbed a knife, cut open the package, and pulled the instructions and videos out. He ran to his room, put on his favorite polyester sweat suit, and then made his way to the TV room. It was here that the injury occurred. You see Greg still hasn’t seen the video; it turns out that Cira was having trouble trying to rip the cellophane wrapping off the video. He finally managed to bite off a small piece of the wrapping, which allowed him to slide his right index finger inside the cellophane, thereby giving him a perfect fishhook grip. With all of his might Greg pulled the cellophane, then, not one second later, he let out a blood curdling scream. The cellophane didn’t budge, but the resistance it created ripped though his forearm and managed to tear the ligament in his bicep to pieces. How bout that; the little bastard couldn’t even get the thing opened without making a trip to the emergency room.

Cira one second after attempted cellophane opening

Cira two seconds after attempted cellophane opening

On behalf of the entire league I’d like to wish Mr. Cira a speedy recovery. Oh and by the way Greg, might I suggest that you stick to your current conditioning programs: hopscotch, jumping rope, and if you still have the strength, perhaps skipping.

Cira (2nd from left) and his workout buddies don't even need the rope

That does it! I’m bringing back the Lady Bug List, and the rest you sissy’s who are going to be on it can thank Greg Cira.

Marty Lynch

The King Pin

.

To recieve blog alerts email mybowlingleague@aol.com, and request to be added to the distribution list ...................and please join the crowd to follow!