No, what’s got me confused is whether or not I should make Tiger my new idol. After all, what guy can have 15 hookers roll around on him in his own private orgy? And then do it every weekend; it’s hard to fault a guy for that. But the question remains, is it idol worthy? In a recent Tiger Woods discussion with the lovely Mrs. Lynch, I must admit that I bailed on Tiger as quick as I could. I found it advantageous to feign my disgust for such abhorrent behavior, all the while marveling at his antics and relishing the possibility. I will make another confession; I bail on every guy if it makes my wife think I’m a little less of a dick head than I truly am.
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As you can see this month long scandal has taken its toll on Tiger
As many of you can imagine, living next to Chip Tighe is no picnic, but, truth be told, I get more action because of his poor actions, than I could ever have gotten on my own. When you couple that with Mike Reimer living three doors down, all of a sudden, Ole Martin V doesn’t look so bad. Not a day goes by that I don’t tell my wife how lucky she is not to be married to one of those guys. I then proceed to tell her some stupid thing they did and point out that I would never have done that/said that/thought that, to or about my wife.
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Ole Martin V can’t help but look good as
Mike Reimer and Chip watch Sherry and
Hope spruce up the Tighe back yard
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What woman wouldn’t be happy to be
married to one of those two studs?
Okay, I regressed a little bit, back to should Tiger be my idol. As I piece things together, I realize that he isn’t doing anything that I couldn’t do given his situation, in fact, I’d do it better. Let’s face it, the guys got a billion dollars and the best he can do is marry a Swedish baby-sitter. He didn’t marry Ms. Sweden; he couldn’t even score Ms. Stockholm for god’s sake. Then I find out that his wife has a twin sister. I guarantee with that kind of dough, I’d have easily gotten a package deal. As for the 15 member orgy, that’s no big shake, I’d have bought 50. The most irritating thing about that is what kind of guy buys a dozen plus broads for the weekend and doesn’t bring a friend. What a selfish son of a bitch.
As for this crazy talk about him being a sex addict, well I’m not buying that either. If you’re an alcoholic, you’re not picky; you’ll drink any kind of liquor. If he were a sex addict, he’d let anybody gnaw on his bone. He wouldn’t restrict his “driver” to just Denise the waitress, a real addict would lay the wood on Dennis the bus boy too. And how come he never got around to popping a black chick? I’ll tell you why, it’s because not only is our fake sex addict a sexist, but he’s a racist bastard too.
I’ve had enough, the answer is clear, Tiger is not my idol. I’m sticking with Hugh Hefner. Hef does it right; he never has to leave the house because broads come to him for free. I should point out that these terribly hot babes of all racial and ethnic backgrounds are not six years younger than him, ala Tiger Woods; no these hotties are sixty years younger. And when have you ever heard of Hef not sharing his stable with the rest of the fella’s? You’ve never heard that because it’s never happened; Hugh is a Christian and doesn’t believe in greed, he’d rather spread things around to make other people’s lives just a little better. I’m now embarrassed that I even thought of making the switch to Tiger, and I vow never to even consider bailing on Hugh Hefner again, because he is a true American Idol.
I’m pretty sure a caption is unnecessary
Keeping it real,
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Marty Lynch
The King Pin
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CHIP TIGHE SAYS IT'S NOT EASY BEING TIGER
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