Celebrity Bowler Spotlight

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You know what; after that whole Anna Nicole thing last week, I realized that something is very different this year from last year, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it. Then it dawned on me, I miss seeing Neil "George Costanza" Gavin every other Sunday night. Not because of the endless comic material he provided me with, well ok, that was a rather large part of it; but mostly because the league just isn’t the same without a celebrity. I lead a rather dismal life and seeing George kind of made me feel like I was important; like I was hob knobbing with the rich and famous; like I was running the bowling league to the stars. I know it wasn’t true, but it’s all I had going for me. Then, to make matters worse, we no longer have our animated look-a-likes, Shrek and Cruella. That leaves us high and dry with absolutely no Hollywood types left in this league. So with that in mind, I’m now on a hunt to find the next My Bowling League celebrity look-a-like.

Ole Martin V. discreetly looking
for stars on Malibu Beach

The strongest resemblance this league has is our own Mike Richuisa to baseball legend, Cal Ripkin Jr. The problem is Mike rarely bowls and Cal isn’t really a Hollywood type; and if you didn’t follow sports, you wouldn’t recognize Cal Ripkin anyhow. In fact, most people in our league wouldn’t know which is which. Plus, Mike is a Face Book friend of mine and I’ve read some of his posts, and quite frankly, he’s a little too queer for me. I don’t need our star giving everyone emotional support and volunteering his shoulder to lean on. When some dip shit broad posts “I’m having the worst day of my life :( ” my god it’s almost unbearable to read his sappy responses, “hang in there sweetie, it’ll get better :-)” or “is there anything I can do to help?” Geezus Krist, this silly bastard makes Tiny Tim look manly.

Mike Richuisa (left) looks good at his 64th birthday party
Cal Ripkin (right) well, he makes Richuisa look not so good

In the event that you see these two people in the same room at the same time, the easiest way to tell them apart is to remember that Cal Ripkin buys his suits in the men’s department, and Mike Richuisa buys his clothes, well, wherever they sell clothes for people who are 4’ 7” tall.

Cal Ripkin (top left) Mini-Me-Mike (bottom right)

Well, this is but the first installment of many celebrity spotlights we will be doing over the next several weeks. And odds are, by the end of the season, I'll find the perfect face to represent our league.

Hugs and Kisses,

Marty Lynch
The King Pin

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