Some New Year's Resolutions.......For You.

As your trusted King Pin, I would like to wish everyone a joyous and prosperous New Year, and state emphatically that I pray for nothing but the very best for each and every one of you. (you can choose to believe that if you wish) As I reflect on the happenings of 2009, the inauguration of Barak Obama leaps out at me. As we all know, elections have consequences; some are coincidental, and some, well maybe not so much. For example the four teams that “chose” (wink, wink) not to return, all happened to be ardent and vocal supporters of our new president. Coincidence?

Anyhow, as it appears that our president, a.k.a., Bo Rock Yo Momma knows what’s best for us; I began to realize that I too, know what’s best for you guys. So with that in mind, I have decided that I will not be asking any of you what your New Year’s resolution is; oh contraire, I will be telling you what your resolution will be. Furthermore, your future/continuous membership in My Bowling League will depend on your successful adherence to whatever I have decided is best for you. Should your name not appear on this random listing, you are either an afterthought, or I’ve already decided to get rid of you next season.

Therefore:

Abigail Sirselle resolves to stop shaving Jim Sirselle’s balls every week, and Jim Sirselle resolves not to shave Abigail’s mustache every day.

Andy Mellen resolves to work at least one full 8 hour day this year. Which means he’s going to have to stop working for Cuyahoga County and get a private sector job. Art teacher Edie Mellen resolves to teach just one Euclid High School student, just one thing, that they could actually use on a 10th grade proficiency exam.

Bill Weil resolves to never lose a single game of bowling to his mother-in-law, let alone be so pitiful as to lose 3 games in one night. Likewise, Beth DeBaggis resolves to never say to her daughter Heather how disappointed she is that she has such a pussy for a son-in-law.

Mark Byrne resolves to wear a ballerina dress to bowling so that he looks more natural when he releases the ball. To put Byrnes at ease, Terry Wise resolves not to arouse himself by looking up Mark’s dress.

Sue Lynch resolves not to cut people off on the highway, and Andrew Ryzner, Greg Cira, Tom Rudibaugh, Tony Bondra, Dale Politi, Greg Ferrazza, and Jim Klingman resolve not to call me to inform me what a shitty driver my wife is.

Jennifer Cira resolves to wear that special bra that her husband Greg got her for Valentine’s Day, so that her A-cupper’s can be transformed into what appear to be C-cupper’s; and Cindy Lembach resolves to pretend to be impressed by Jennifer’s new found cleavage.

Mayor Scott Coleman resolves to call the Regional Income Tax Authority and have them forgive the $579.83 that I now owe them because he thought raising local income taxes was a great idea. Councilman Scott Mills resolves to begin accepting bribes like every other decent politician in Cuyahoga County does.

Kate Gavin resolves to bring George Costanza with her to bowling because he always had the decency to buy me a beer, and she has yet to show that same generosity.

Carla Bondra resolves to teach George Argie how to talk more, and George Argie resolves to teach Carla Bondra how to talk less; and each and every one of us resolve to pray that George is more successful.

Dee Dee Bondra resolves to get her team to show up every week to bowl, and I resolve to keep giving Dee Dee shit even if she gets her team shows up every week to bowl.

Chip Tighe resolves not to lurk around my house trying to catch a peek of my wife getting out of the shower and into her underwear, and I resolve to never again say Sue is taking a shower when Chip asks me what my wife is doing.

Maria Gaeta resolves to return the naming rights to the Sausage, along with the actual hardware; and Phil Gaeta resolves to concentrate a little more so that perhaps his “software” might be mistaken for hardware by his wife.

Bill Davis resolves to either sell at least one insurance policy this year, or learn how to stand out in the cold and deliver a weather report. Michelle Davis resolves to get used to Bill not being around the house at 6 and 11pm week nights.

Sue Wise resolves to stop talking as though she’s being paid for every syllable she utters. Similarly, Mike Reimer resolves to be udder-less by the end of 2010.

Brian Kane resolves to get is doctors license so that after 18 years of avoiding apprehension, he can finally practice his profession of optometry legally. Cristen Kane resolves to go on-line and obtain a bogus doctors license so that after 18 years avoiding apprehension, her husband can sort of practice his profession of optometry legally.

Linda Carney resolves to hold all of her family reunions at a local chapter AA meeting, so that all the Carney’s can kill two birds with one stone.

Dick Dongo resolves to change his reputation so that each time his name is spoken; the first response won’t be “what did the asshole do this time.” Likewise, Susanna Longo resolves to only make food that when eaten, my asshole’s first response won’t be “what the hell did she put in that shit.”

Natalie Treibatch resolves to agree to DNA testing once her baby is born; so that the rumors that it’s not her husband Irving’s kid will be put to bed quickly; or perhaps confirmed expeditiously.

Jennifer Creech resolves to stop using her husband’s jock itch, even though he has no use for it, and Matt Creech resolves to stop using his wife’s eyeliner even though the color is much better on him.

Ann Marie Mills and Martha Coleman resolve to stop making excuses for their dumb ass husbands every time they do something stupid at a city council meeting. Which I’m pretty sure would be every meeting.

Sherry Tighe resolves to stop asking The King Pin to come over and render his opinion every time she buys a new pair of thong panties; and The King Pin resolves to continue to claim it happens at least twice a month.

Dave Miller resolves to come up with a personality this year. He then resolves to give half of that personality to his wife Mimi. This way, by the end of the year, both of them will at least have some personality.

Katy Profeta resolves to say at least one kind thing about her husband this year. Mike Profeta resolves not to hold his breath waiting for that to happen.

TJ Sell resolves to leave our waitress Michelle a tip this year. Michelle the waitress resolves to pull a Mike Profeta and not hold her breath waiting for that to happen.

Karen Politi resolves to no longer put marijuana in any of her baking that she brings to bowling. Drinking 14 beers in 3 hours makes driving home tough enough for me as is.

Chiropractor extraordinaire John Bondra resolves not to make every female patient completely disrobe so that he can simply examine her neck. Furthermore, foot doctor Chip Tighe resolves to stop offering free pelvic exams to his 80 year old Medicare patients.

Brian Himmel resolves to let his wife Melissa know that if Tiger can step out on his hot wife like Elin, there’s no reason he can’t step out on her. Oddly enough, Melissa resolves to tell Brian if Lorena Bobbitt can whack off her husband’s dick, there’s no reason she can’t whack off his.

Susan Ferrazza resolves to continue to wear those really big glasses so that no one confuses her with Gabrielle Argie; and Gabrielle Argie resolves to pretend to be intelligent, so that no one confuses her with Susan Ferrazza.

Jane Sell and Maddie Klingman resolve to make certain that at least one week this season neither of their husbands will be on the Lady Bug List. I resolve that the earth will explode before that happens.

Mike Richuisa resolves to change his name so that it doesn’t get spelled wrong on the monitor, or he can simply resolve to stop bitching that his name is spelled wrong on the monitor. Either of those two options would be fine.

Ron Szuch resolves to make me take my family to one of his Florida condos. I resolve to accept his offer but instead raffle the condo off at the bowling banquet, which he’ll probably be too busy to attend.

Dawn Rossi resolves to let me pimp her out as an auction item at the bowling banquet. Greg Cira resolves to start the bidding at $3. I resolve to hold out until we get at least $4.

PJ Buynack resolves to contact each and every one of you trying to sell you one of the three remaining cruise cabins so that we can get to the number necessary for free booze. I resolve to speak highly of the three people who purchase those cabins, or better yet, not speak of them at all.

Yo Yo Naymick resolves to stop telling her fiancé Andrew Ryzner that he drinks too much; and Andrew resolves not drink more than a case of beer per day, give or take a twelve pack.

Amy Byrne resolves not to poison her husband Mark’s food in an attempt to collect on his insurance policy. You know what, let’s change that. Amy Byrne resolves to buy a large life insurance policy from Bill Davis, and then resolves to poison her husband.

Ryan McKinley resolves to stop wearing those T-shirts that are disparaging to minorities, on the outside chance that Edie Mellen wasn’t their teacher and they can actually read them. Regan McKinley resolves to stop buying her husband T-shirts that are disparaging to minorities even though she gets to use her 50% Klan discount on them.

Kathleen Getty and Liz Rudibaugh resolve to swap husbands every other Sunday night so that Patrick Getty doesn’t end up on the Lady Bug List. Both women also resolve not to “put out” for the other’s husband. Kathleen Getty will quickly break that resolution with Mr. Rudibaugh in the unmanned snack bar at Freeway Lanes.

Tina Brown resolves to at least try not to hate her husband. Mike Brown resolves to make Tina’s resolution impossible to carry out.

And most importantly, this year, I resolve to publish the book My Bowling League, Season One. And each of you will resolve to pay the $14.95 cover price the minute that book becomes available.

I’ll let you know when it’s time to bowl; because that's what I do.

Marty Lynch
The King Pin

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Celebrity Look a Likes Phase 3

Well, the meddler is back. Last week, the lovely Mrs. Lynch told me that it’s possible that some of the pictures I post and the captions I use might hurt people’s feelings. So before I get too far into this, I’d like to put that notion to rest by publishing a photo with a caption showing that I am more than capable of coming to the defense of any past or present member of My Bowling League.


This is NOT, I repeat, this is NOT Mike Brown
Serenading Neil Gavin

My beautiful bride of 21 years also said that I should just pick a man and a woman who look like somebody and make them the celebrity look-a-likes for My Bowling League, and be done with this weekly thing. So I’ll do exactly what the typical person saddled with an extremely high I.Q. would do, that being, precisely what she told me to do.

Unfortunately, since the meddler gave me those instructions, no one has really jumped out at me; but there are a couple of league members I feel are worth looking into. For example, it may be possible to make a case for both George Argie and Liz Rudibaugh being celebrity look-a-likes. I'm not saying that these are strong cases, but keep in mind; I can only work with what I got.

So, because I couldn’t come up with stronger resemblances elsewhere, these two will be the league's leading man and leading lady. Trust me, I'm not thrilled to make either of these two the "face" of the league, but in the end it could actually be an upgrade. After all, while George Argie doesn't strike anyone, and I mean anyone, as a genius, he’s nowhere near as dense as anyone from our neighboring dumb, fat and happy, ass-backwards St. Greg’s league; whom I should point out are lovely people, keeping in mind, most hillbillies are lovely, in a stupid sort of lazy way.


I'm just now realizing the enormity of George Argie's skull; or could it be that Andy Dick just has a good old fashioned peanut head ?

The obvious drawback with George is that he’s not quite as boisterous as Andy Dick, and for the thing to work he’s going to have to actually speak. I’m not worried about him having to say anything funny right away; we’ll take baby steps with him. I don’t want to make myself out to be a great acting coach, but I’m confident that by the end of the season I can get George to tell a pretty decent knock-knock joke.

As for Liz Rudibaugh, well, I never really cared for people who struggle to break 100, and then feel perfectly comfortable blaming the ball, or the lane, or the damn room temperature for their keggling ineptitude. Now, while she’s a bit of a sour puss, and a tad stand-offish, I can personally vouch for her being very, well let’s make that somewhat, well actually, she’s just marginally friendly.



Liz Rudibaugh and the ageless Jane Jetson both go through three cans of Aquanet hair spray every morning.

As you can see, the problem here is that Liz already looks older than Mrs. Jetson. And although she may be able to pull off this ruse for a year, perhaps two, after that, there won’t enough botox on the planet to keep her face as smooth as Jane Jetson’s.

Alright people, it’s time for me to go, I’m happy to report that I’ve made plenty of new friends this year. You can expect to hear from me again, if for no other reason, than to offer you Mensa members your weekly reminder to show up to bowl on the proper Sunday.

And by the way, I don’t care what the meddler says; she ain’t the boss of me and I ain’t afraid of her. So if I find more celebrity look-a-likes I’m blogging them. But keep in mind, I’ve removed the lovely Mrs. Lynch from the blog notification list, so if it’s all the same to you, let’s just keep this last paragraph between us.

With sugar plums dancing in my head,

Marty Lynch
The King Pin

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Bowling Recap from 12-6-09

Let’s go over a couple of highlights from the most recent night of bowling. Many of you wisely took advantage of the opportunity to buy The King Pin a beer last week, and as it turned out every team that told the waitress “yes I’d love to buy The King Pin a beer’” ended up winning a $10 bar certificate. Now there was a team headed by Linda Carney and PJ Buynack that asked the waitress to tell me to “pound salt.” I’m not exactly certain what that means, but I do know that it doesn’t mean yes, get the man a beer. Oddly enough, they were the only participants who did not get a gift certificate. A coincidence perhaps, but more likely, perhaps not.

If Linda and PJ were just a little more charitable
those beers wouldn’t have cost them a penny

I’d like to recognize Audrey Cercelle for adhering to the Dee Dee Bondra Rule, even before she knew it was a rule. Audrey was the only one on her team able to make it, so did she call me at the last minute asking me to bail her out? No, she wisely found three of her bimbo friends and brought them with her. That people, is how you handle shit like that. Speaking of these bimbo’s, Mark Byrne asked me if these girls were the replacements for the “Strippers.” The answer is a resounding no; I intend to step things up and replace the Strippers with a group that will be referred to as the Hooker’s. Stay tuned for that one. By the way, out of respect for Mark’s courage to seek public office, we will no longer refer to him as the “the dog trainer,” so going forward he shall bear the title of what seemingly cost him the election, “the sheep herder.”

Abigail Sirselle (left) and her bimbo friends
Marie Curtis, Cheryl Delisio, and Ann Cappello
and no, these are not replacements for the Stripper’s

Let’s talk Sausage. Sherry Tighe came very close to swinging the meat this week, and had she just been at her average in the third game I’d be strapping the sausage on her right now. But since she didn’t, Maddie Klingman gets to keep the beef for a while. Maddie crushed her average by 19 pins per game and therefore, gets to keep using the urinal in the men’s room. If she does it again, I’m going to get her a My Bowling League jock strap, a 16 pounder of course.

Maddie Klingman (center) continues to be head and

shoulders above the rest of the ladies in the league

I believe that brings us to the Lady Bug List; yet I’m really not sure how to approach this. In the past I’ve listed people in order by how badly their wife beat them. This time I’m going to use total pins so that we all know just how poorly you fella’s did. The manliest of our Lady Bugs is, surprisingly, Patrick Getty, followed by repeat performer’s TJ Sell and Jim Klingman. That leads us to the Lady Bug with this week’s biggest vajayjay, Dave Miller, who spent all night mustering up a scrotumless 290 pins. Now Dave Miller is a pretty common name, so I have placed his actual league photo below, just so that you don’t confuse him with some other Dave Miller you might know.

Dave Miller of “The Eliminators”

shown from the waist up because

he’s got nothing from the waist down

.

Now I’ve never done this before and I don’t like doing this now, but it just makes sense to reuse this photo.

Maddie Klingman (center) and this week’s collection of Lady Bugs

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Fondly,

.

Marty Lynch

The King Pin

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To recieve blog alerts email mybowlingleague@aol.com, and request to be added to the distribution list ...................and please join the crowd to follow!

Tiger's Wood

I must admit that this whole (also pronounced hole and/or ho) Tiger Woods thing has now got me more than a tad confused. Not because it’s hard to understand why he would leave an already bought and paid for hot blonde at home, and then head out and bang a bunch of skanks, that in one way shape or form, are gonna cost him money. There could be hundreds of reason why she “drove” him away. Perhaps she’s a flat out bitch, maybe she has a perpetual headache, who knows, it might even be the result of nasty lady hygiene. That shit isn’t perplexing, hell, Jennifer Aniston is way hot and has tons of cash; most guys would kill for a shot at that life. Yet, there have been a dozen guys, who for what ever reason, have decided they no longer wanted to nail her, and they dumped our girl Rachael Green and moved on to some other babe.

No, what’s got me confused is whether or not I should make Tiger my new idol. After all, what guy can have 15 hookers roll around on him in his own private orgy? And then do it every weekend; it’s hard to fault a guy for that. But the question remains, is it idol worthy? In a recent Tiger Woods discussion with the lovely Mrs. Lynch, I must admit that I bailed on Tiger as quick as I could. I found it advantageous to feign my disgust for such abhorrent behavior, all the while marveling at his antics and relishing the possibility. I will make another confession; I bail on every guy if it makes my wife think I’m a little less of a dick head than I truly am.

As you can see this month long scandal has taken its toll on Tiger

As many of you can imagine, living next to Chip Tighe is no picnic, but, truth be told, I get more action because of his poor actions, than I could ever have gotten on my own. When you couple that with Mike Reimer living three doors down, all of a sudden, Ole Martin V doesn’t look so bad. Not a day goes by that I don’t tell my wife how lucky she is not to be married to one of those guys. I then proceed to tell her some stupid thing they did and point out that I would never have done that/said that/thought that, to or about my wife.

.

Ole Martin V can’t help but look good as

Mike Reimer and Chip watch Sherry and

Hope spruce up the Tighe back yard

What woman wouldn’t be happy to be

married to one of those two studs?

Okay, I regressed a little bit, back to should Tiger be my idol. As I piece things together, I realize that he isn’t doing anything that I couldn’t do given his situation, in fact, I’d do it better. Let’s face it, the guys got a billion dollars and the best he can do is marry a Swedish baby-sitter. He didn’t marry Ms. Sweden; he couldn’t even score Ms. Stockholm for god’s sake. Then I find out that his wife has a twin sister. I guarantee with that kind of dough, I’d have easily gotten a package deal. As for the 15 member orgy, that’s no big shake, I’d have bought 50. The most irritating thing about that is what kind of guy buys a dozen plus broads for the weekend and doesn’t bring a friend. What a selfish son of a bitch.

As for this crazy talk about him being a sex addict, well I’m not buying that either. If you’re an alcoholic, you’re not picky; you’ll drink any kind of liquor. If he were a sex addict, he’d let anybody gnaw on his bone. He wouldn’t restrict his “driver” to just Denise the waitress, a real addict would lay the wood on Dennis the bus boy too. And how come he never got around to popping a black chick? I’ll tell you why, it’s because not only is our fake sex addict a sexist, but he’s a racist bastard too.

I’ve had enough, the answer is clear, Tiger is not my idol. I’m sticking with Hugh Hefner. Hef does it right; he never has to leave the house because broads come to him for free. I should point out that these terribly hot babes of all racial and ethnic backgrounds are not six years younger than him, ala Tiger Woods; no these hotties are sixty years younger. And when have you ever heard of Hef not sharing his stable with the rest of the fella’s? You’ve never heard that because it’s never happened; Hugh is a Christian and doesn’t believe in greed, he’d rather spread things around to make other people’s lives just a little better. I’m now embarrassed that I even thought of making the switch to Tiger, and I vow never to even consider bailing on Hugh Hefner again, because he is a true American Idol.

I’m pretty sure a caption is unnecessary

Keeping it real,

.

Marty Lynch

The King Pin

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CHIP TIGHE SAYS IT'S NOT EASY BEING TIGER

http://www.allleftturns.com/tasteless-yet-addictive-tiger-woods-game

Celebrity Look a Likes Phase 2

Once I got past the Richuisa-Ripkin thing, my mind had to churn pretty hard to find my next possible pair of look-a-likes. I methodically went through every person on every team, over and over, yet no one jumped out at me. However, each time I thought about Bill Davis, the hapless insurance sales schmuck from the perennial bottom-feeding team “Blew Balls,” something pulled at me. Bill reminded me of someone, but I just couldn’t place it. This went on for days, then last Friday morning, I got up and was watching that Matt Lauer show and BOOM, wham, bam, thank you ma’am, it hit me. I was right; these two were dead ringers!

Bill Davis and his brother from another mother Al Roker

My jubilance faded quickly when I realized what I’m sure is obvious to all of you. I couldn’t use these two as my Hollywood celebrity look –a-likes because, as everyone knows, Al Roker is from New York, not Hollywood. It probably wouldn’t have mattered anyhow; Bill would never have been able to pull it off because he doesn’t know shit about doing the weather. Come to think of it, I’m not too sure Bill knows shit about insurance either. This Rhodes Scholar has been telling all of his customers not to renew their health insurance policy’s because Obama is going to give everyone health care coverage. I don’t have the heart to tell Billy Boy that he’ll be out of a job as soon as that happens. The good news for Davis is that not only will McDonald’s give him a free hat, but he’ll also get a complimentary Happy Meal at the end of his shift. Not to mention that his sales pitch will be much easier; I mean how tough is it to say, “you want fries with that?”

Anyhow, though devastated, I nonetheless realized that my search must continue, but first, I thought I should work on this weeks bowling recap blog. However, when I got to the part about the Lady Bugs, I saw a familiar name, Jim Klingman. Like Richuisa and Davis, Jim is a tad hairless. So I thought, what bald person does he look like? Mr. Clean, no Klingman could never be described as well kempt. Sinead O’Conner, no Klingman could never be described as thin. Bruce Willis, no Klingman could never be described as cool. I had to start focusing on bald guys who were bad dressers, were slightly to grossly overweight, and had trouble carrying on a conversation beyond the 6th grade level. My Google search with those parameters instantly came back with just two people; Jim Klingman, and Joe the Plumber.

Joe the Plumber's 15 minutes of fame are over

Jim Klingmans Lady Bug fame may go on forever

Yet here we are again, no Hollywood connection whatsoever, in fact both of these guys were born and raised in the great Buckeye state. That got me to thinking; have two Ohioan’s have ever starred in the same movie? I don’t think so, but if these two did star in a movie together, I wonder if they would call it Dumb and Plumber.

Obviously I’ve gotten a little side-tracked; it’s time to get to work on the bowling blog. You’ll be getting your reminder email soon telling you that we bowl this Sunday.

My search will continue,


Marty Lynch

The King Pin

To recieve blog alerts email mybowlingleague@aol.com, and request to be added to the distribution list ...................and please join the crowd to follow!

Celebrity Bowler Spotlight

.

You know what; after that whole Anna Nicole thing last week, I realized that something is very different this year from last year, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it. Then it dawned on me, I miss seeing Neil "George Costanza" Gavin every other Sunday night. Not because of the endless comic material he provided me with, well ok, that was a rather large part of it; but mostly because the league just isn’t the same without a celebrity. I lead a rather dismal life and seeing George kind of made me feel like I was important; like I was hob knobbing with the rich and famous; like I was running the bowling league to the stars. I know it wasn’t true, but it’s all I had going for me. Then, to make matters worse, we no longer have our animated look-a-likes, Shrek and Cruella. That leaves us high and dry with absolutely no Hollywood types left in this league. So with that in mind, I’m now on a hunt to find the next My Bowling League celebrity look-a-like.

Ole Martin V. discreetly looking
for stars on Malibu Beach

The strongest resemblance this league has is our own Mike Richuisa to baseball legend, Cal Ripkin Jr. The problem is Mike rarely bowls and Cal isn’t really a Hollywood type; and if you didn’t follow sports, you wouldn’t recognize Cal Ripkin anyhow. In fact, most people in our league wouldn’t know which is which. Plus, Mike is a Face Book friend of mine and I’ve read some of his posts, and quite frankly, he’s a little too queer for me. I don’t need our star giving everyone emotional support and volunteering his shoulder to lean on. When some dip shit broad posts “I’m having the worst day of my life :( ” my god it’s almost unbearable to read his sappy responses, “hang in there sweetie, it’ll get better :-)” or “is there anything I can do to help?” Geezus Krist, this silly bastard makes Tiny Tim look manly.

Mike Richuisa (left) looks good at his 64th birthday party
Cal Ripkin (right) well, he makes Richuisa look not so good

In the event that you see these two people in the same room at the same time, the easiest way to tell them apart is to remember that Cal Ripkin buys his suits in the men’s department, and Mike Richuisa buys his clothes, well, wherever they sell clothes for people who are 4’ 7” tall.

Cal Ripkin (top left) Mini-Me-Mike (bottom right)

Well, this is but the first installment of many celebrity spotlights we will be doing over the next several weeks. And odds are, by the end of the season, I'll find the perfect face to represent our league.

Hugs and Kisses,

Marty Lynch
The King Pin

To recieve blog alerts email mybowlingleague@aol.com, and request to be added to the distribution list ...................and please join the crowd to follow!

Back to Bowling

I want to take this opportunity to calm everyone’s fears; no one, and I mean no one, has ever crashed a My Bowling League function. We take the safety and security of our members very seriously. If your name does not appear on the screen when you show up; or if you can not find it in the system; or if the King Pin does not personally grant you permission to participate, then guess what……you don’t bowl. Not to brag, but clearly I had the foresight to anticipate every worst case scenario that could possibly jeopardize the well-being of our greatest resource; you, the people who provide me with my material.

Moving on, I would like to take a moment to cover a couple of things I learned at bowling last week. First, my new teammate Dawn Rossi sucks, and I’m not talking like she used to in the 9th grade, I’m talking bowling here. While Gabrielle Argie’s 51 still remains as the all-time shittiest score ever recording in the history of My Bowling League, Dawn’s 59 is this year’s most dismal showing. I could probably live with the shit score if Dawn simply didn’t talk nonstop. My god she couldn’t be any more annoying if she tried. When, of all people, Carla Bondra walked by and said, “holy shit that Rossi broad won’t shut up,” it became pretty clear that she talked way too god damn much. If you don’t know who I’m talking about; Dawn is the one who fancies herself as the next Anna Nicole Smith, only drunker.

Anna Nicole Smith, just a little tipsy

Dawna Nicole Rossi, just a little passed out

When my other lady teammate Sherry Tighe struck out in the 10th frame, and I saw the XXX on the scoreboard, I must confess, I did have a deja vu moment. Sub-conciously there's must have been a time or two that I've pictured the name Sherry Tighe XXX in bright flashing neon lights. Though, if my recollection is correct, those neon lights I pictured appeared on a theater marquee, and actually read Now Showing “My Naughty Neighbor Sheri XXX.” Anyhow, I don’t want to make myself sound like some creepy pervert who thinks about Sherry in porno movie’s, because I don't....... ;-)

The lovely Mrs. Lynch thought

it would behoove me to put no

photo here.

As promised, and thanks to Greg Cira, the Lady Bug List is back. For those who have forgotten how one makes it onto this list, the necessary criteria are clearly spelled out below:

1) Be a man…..correction, be a male member of the league. 2) Roll a series that is lower than the series of your legally wedded wife, or the person that you typically fornicate with. 3) Fail to buy me a beer….recent update, two beers that Sunday.

With that in mind, I’d like to welcome this weeks Four Lady Bugs.

TJ Sell, a regular on last year’s Lady Bug List, got as close to not being on this week’s list as ever before, as he rolled a 397 series to his wife Jane’s 398. I hated having to include him, but despite my tireless lobbying efforts, the Rules Committee wouldn’t budge; sorry Sell, I did my best.

Jim Klingman, TJ’s teammate and another regular Lady Bug from last year, got bent over by his wife in all three games. If he keeps this shit up the other chicks are gonna start inviting “him” to Tupperware and lingerie parties.

Fittingly, Greg Cira made this week’s list as well. I’m guessing that once he fully recovers from that damn near season ending cellophane injury, we won’t be seeing him, on the list again.

Greg Cira showing off his

surgically repaired finger.

Last on this week’s list is a newbie to the league; Matt Creech. His wife Jennifer gave him a thrashing that wasn’t pleasant to watch. Most of you folks have probably seen, but have yet to meet Matt. He’s the real pretty fella on Bill Weil’s team; and by pretty I mean, the kind of guy that the typical Mansfield prison inmate would get all giggly about. Here’s a little advise Matt; obey the law, and enjoy being on the Lady Bug list. It’s way better to be on this list, then to be on Bubba and Leroy’s list. Don’t take my word for it; just ask Andy Mellen, he’ll definitely confirm it.

This is how Matt looks on the Lady Bug List

This is how Matt looks on Leroy’s list

Since we’re bringing back the Lady Bugs, it seems only fitting that we bring back the Weekly Sausage as well. If you recall, at last years banquet Maria Gaeta won not only a living, breathing sausage, but more importantly, the right to finally give our sausage a name. At first she told me that she wanted to name the sausage Big Phil; I told her no, you can’t give the sausage your husband’s name. She quickly said she didn’t, and that she now refers to her husband as Little Phil. Nonetheless, I said no. I called her a month later to see if she came up with a new name; she was very excited and said “yes, I now call it My Pool Boy.” I told her that’s not a name that’s an occupation. She said I’m wrong because one week she called it my pool boy Fernando, then she called it my pool boy Hector, then she went with my pool boy Biff. Maria began to giggle, and blush with a bit of embarrassment as she whispered; “now I call him my pool boy Jamaal.”

Maria and her “Pool Boy”

I immediately did what any King Pin worth his crown would do; I confiscated the naming rights from Maria and quickly decided that I will name the damn thing myself.

Anyhow, the Weekly Sausage is awarded to the female bowler who bowls the highest number of pins over her average; thereby making her pretty much a dude, minus the meat of course. So, in recognition of this manly performance, the league is kind enough to award her, for lack of better term, the missing link. This week, like weeks in the past, we have two winners. Both Maddie Klingman and a sandbagging newbie, Regan McKinley were 29 pins over average. So ladies congratulations, now go throw on your work boots and remember to lift the seat when you pee.

I’m not sure who’s who, but if Iremember correctly,

those sure look like Maddie's underwear.

One last, but very important thing; this week when your server asks you if you would like to buy the King Pin a beer, I would suggest that you say yes. Those who do will have a 50% chance of winning a $10 Freeway Lanes bar gift certificate right then and there.

Looking forward to seeing your smiling faces this Sunday December 6th at 7pm.

Marty Lynch

The King Pin

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