January 31, 2010 Recap

I’d be willing to bet that all of you folks enjoyed the Super Bowl; well, with the possible exception of Brian Himmel and Brian Kane that is. If you recall from last year’s banquet, these two guys shared the “Queer Little Bitch of the Year” award for 2009; and, as I was making my friendly rounds at the lanes last week, I noticed that I was getting the cold shoulder from these two Brian’s. I tried to make a little small talk, I tried asking about their kids, about how the jobs going, you name it; Ole Martin V went out of his way to be cordial. Nonetheless, these two guys wouldn’t talk to me; so I gave up trying.

It wasn’t until later that night when I bumped into Cristen Kane that I learned what was going on. These guys were pissed at me and were pouting all night because they had to bowl instead of going to some Grammy Award party at some little sissy bar they hang out at. Apparently, they had heard that someone named Pink was supposed to put on a spine-tingling performance that would be talked about for decades; and they knew they were missing it. Somewhat, but not entirely shocked, I explained to Cristen that we bowl every other week and as I prepared the schedule, I had to chose between bowling on the night of the Grammy’s or the night of the Super Bowl. She understood completely and said very matter of factly “that’s why they won the queer little bitch thing last year, and that’s probably why they’ll win it again this year.” It sure is tough to argue with that logic.



Kane and Himmel when they realized that the TV monitors at Freeway Lanes weren’t working, and they wouldn’t be watching the Grammy’s this year.

I don’t mean to harp on Himmel, but I may as well get this over with now. Brian is the My Bowling League Queen this week and gets to picture himself in that edgy black sequin dress that Taylor Swift sported on the red carpet runway last week. Brian was a whopping 23 pins below average, and I’m sure much of that off night had to do with the forlorn state he was in. Unfortunately, it gets worse; Melissa Himmel is this week’s Co-My Bowling League King as she wiped up the polyurethane pine wood runway with her 19 pins over average. Good news for Melissa is she finally has a real sausage in her life; perhaps now she’ll have some manly company to hang out with during the Super Bowl, while Brian is busy raiding her clothes closet.


Yo Melissa slow down, remember, you have to share the sausage this week.


Brian Himmel is whipping up an espresso and getting ready for the exciting half time show.

There’s big news in the Getty household as well, as Kathleen tied Melissa at 19 pins over average for her share of this week’s sausage. Mrs. Himmel said she has no problem sharing the meat, and in fact, she kind of looks forward to it.

We also have a nice Lady Bug List this week. The good doctor, Patrick Getty is back where he belongs as he headlines this week’s cast of failures. I will give Getty this; he was at least at his average, so he’s not on the list because he has a huge vajayjay, he’s on the list because his wife’s pecker is just way bigger than his.


Patrick Getty and his thumbtack (left) get ready for a swim; while Kathleen Getty and her junk get ready for a little stationary bike workout.

Other lucky Lady Bugs this week include previous recipients TJ Sell and Matt Creech, along with; you guessed it, Brian Himmel. Once again, Dave Miller was able to squeak his way off the Lady Bug List this week. So for the record, Dave, the 6’3” - 275 pounder, has out pinned his wife Mimi, the 4’ 3” - 81 pounder by a total of 5 pins over the last 6 games. Way to go Miller, you’re showing her who’s the boss aren’t you?

Dave and Mimi Miller all the way back on their first date.

Last Thursday, my wife was reading some crazy French tabloid newspaper with a photo of Angelina Jolie looking way-way hot on the cover. Figuring this might be a good opportunity to score some brownie points with the lovely Mrs. Lynch, I tell her that she looks just like Angelina. She said “honey aren’t you sweet,” then she says, “what a coincidence, I’m looking at a picture of Brad Pitt in this paper and he looks just like you.” Thinking that she was giving me some coded mating signal I sauntered over to her and said “really, let me see the picture.” This is when I realized why my wife doesn’t have any friends; she’s just a mean, insensitive bitch.

The lovely Mrs. Lynch will be sorry when I trade her ass in. I can change being fat, but she can’t change being a miserable nag.

Alright people, you know the drill, mum’s the word, I’ll see you this Sunday.

With warmth in my heart,

Marty Lynch
The King Pin

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