A Little More This and That

A LITTLE THIS

One of the new couples, Natalie and Irving Treibatch welcomed their first child into the world on January 16th. They have named their healthy 7lb. 6oz. son George, a family name on Natalie’s side. Irv called me yesterday to say that he kept the New Year’s resolution that I gave to him, and has already completed the DNA testing. He proudly reports that the boy is definitely his. Congratulations from all of us!


The curious young fella is clearly the spittin’ image of his dad.

A LITTLE THAT

Scott Mills called me the Thursday before bowling and asked if anybody needed subs, and by sheer coincidence, Brian Himmel had asked if the Mills were available. Finally, people having their shit together,…..or so I thought. Then at 4pm Sunday I get a text from Mills saying something “unavoidable” just came up, sorry, can’t make it. Apparently he thinks the Dee Dee Bondra rule doesn’t apply to subs.

I decided not to call him back and give him shit, but I started thinking; what does unavoidable mean? He could have said, people came in from out of town; forgot the kid had a game; I’ve got the flu. He could have even done what that idiotic wench Dawn Rossi did, saying she was surprised with tickets to a show at the last minute; but no not Mills, he says something unavoidable.

After a week, I can’t take it anymore, I‘ve got to know what was unavoidable. I decide to call his cell phone and asked him what happened. It was a shitty connection but I was pretty sure he said “me and the misses went out to Niagara, and won’t be back around for 36 hours.” That didn’t make any sense, why did he wait till the last minute to call me? Later that night I was watching TV when a commercial came on, and boom, I figured out what he said.



“Me and the misses tried out some Viagra, and it won’t go back down for 36 hours.”


A LITTLE THIS

I went over to watch the St. Paschal’s 8th grade basketball team play last Saturday morning. Chip Tighe and Tim Salcer are the coaches; and from time to time Chip gets upset with the CYO officiating. Now Tighe is a card carrying member of the Ohio High School Basketball Officials Association, so he is supposed to know the rules, but trust me, he’s absolutely clueless.

Anyhow, Chip thinks one of his players got fouled and starts screaming at the ref, and ultimately, proceeds to drop an F-bomb on the poor guy. The ref comes over to eject Chip from the game for using foul language; that’s when our little wussy boy Tighe tells the ref he didn’t say it; he points to Salcer and says “he yelled it.” So the ref tosses Tim out of the gym and makes him wait in the parking lot until the game is over. Now Salcer has to serve a three game suspension because of Tighe’s behavior. And I thought being his neighbor sucked.


Hey Chip go back and look at your manual, this is not a basketball hand signal.

A LITTLE THAT

You know what, speaking of Tim Salcer; the guy kind of irritates me. He’s one of those goody-two-shoes fellas, who’s always trying to do the right thing. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard the guy swear, which I should point out is tough to do when you have twenty-five 8th grade kids on a football field all screwing around at the same time. But that’s not what really bugs me about the guy. The fact that the guy doesn’t own a T-shirt that he hasn’t cut the sleeves off, which he obviously does so he can walk around flexing for people all day, doesn’t bother me either. When he moved into his new 5 bedroom, 3,500 square foot home, this dick sent out those “I’ve Moved” postcards with a picture of him standing in front the place. It didn’t even bother me when I read the back of the post card saying that he registered at Crate and Barrel for anyone who would like to get him a house warming gift; what a d-bag.

I can deal with all that shit, but here’s what bugs me; I coached football at Paschal’s for 4 years, and the worst part about it was having to wait around every night for the parents to pick up their kids. However, my last year of coaching was Tim’s first year, and guess what? We never had to wait around for parents to pick up their kids, because once Salcer started coaching, all of the mom’s dropped off their kids, and oddly enough, decided to stay and watch the entire practice. Now the guy is like 28 years old, has little to no body fat, is somewhat attractive in an ugly sort of way, and has probably spent about $40,000 on his teeth. But let’s face it people, he’s still no Marty Lynch, and the fact that these old biddy’s overlooked a stud like me for a guy like Tim, who I should point out, is incapable of loving anyone other than himself, pisses me off.

So let me give you ladies a tip; a tip that Tim, the “self” proclaimed charming, eligible bachelor, appears to be far too kind to tell all of you old broads. A tip, which would be pretty damn obvious to you saggy breasted hags if you weren’t so damn delusional; he’s not looking for some 45 year old wrinkled-ass married woman who has to put 8 pounds of make up on just to look presentable. So unless you got it like Terry Hatcher’s got it, or like Courtney Cox got it, you better wake up and realize you ain’t in Cougar Town.


I’m not sure what all the fuss is about, I mean come on; Salcer ain’t got it like the King Pin got it. Hell, he should have been in the celebrity look-a-like blog.


By the way, Tim asked if I would be willing to link a couple of his YouTube dance videos on this blog. I was more than happy to honor his request. By the way, I’m sure some of your kids who played for him will enjoy these too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-jVMDLIB0o

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lN0gKTiWvQ&NR=1

A LITTLE THIS

Brian Kane can’t wait to go back on the Booze Cruise this year. Not simply because he does nothing but eat, drink and gamble all day, but rather, he enjoys making new friends. Brian must be a real guy’s guy because all the fella’s wanted to hang out with him by the pool. I suggest that those of you who haven’t signed up yet, get moving because you’re running out of time; and it is a great time!

Brian says that when he smothers his face in this area for 2 or 3 minutes, he can’t help but make new guy friends.

A LITTLE THAT

I hate beating a dead horse, but my god this Dick Dongo may be the dumbest person on the entire planet, if not the universe. I was talking to him about the earthquake in Haiti when he says that I should start texting some 90999 number because each time I do it the cellular company donates $10 to the relief effort. He then tells me he’s done it tons of times. I said to him, “you realize that the cellular company isn’t donating that money, you are.” He says “what are you talking about.” So I explain to him that each time he text’s that number, his cellular account is charged $10. You should have seen the look on his face when he said “you’re bullshitting me, right?” He obviously thinks I’m kidding, so I suggest he pick up the phone right now and call the cell company and find out what his current account balance is. I almost, that’s right, I almost felt bad for the guy when I heard him scream into the phone, $47,000…..$47,000…you’re out of your mind, I’m not paying you $47,000. I’m not sure what he’s going to do to get out of paying that bill, and quite frankly, I don’t care. Perhaps this is just what he needed to finally pull his head out of his ass and start paying attention to shit.


Yo Dickie D, this is no way to go through life.


With all my love,


Marty Lynch
The King Pin

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