THE BLOG THAT MARTY LYNCH WRITES: Running Low on Look Alikes

Now that people begin preparing for the Easter season, I will most certainly start hearing about all the things that people are going to give up for Lent. Let me be as kind and as clear as possible; I couldn't possibly care less what you plan to forgo for the next forty days, unless of course, I find it useful for blogging purposes. Speaking of which, for the next forty days, I too will have my own Lenten observation. Here goes; I will do my best to not say anything that anyone might consider mean or unkind, or less than flattering. You sorta have my word on it.........but as of this posting, it isn't Lent yet.

This past Saturday night, Ginger Haddad-Lamb of Compares, told me that if I was going to do a look-alike picture of her in the blog that I should probably use a photo of Tina Louise; she’s the actress who played the character Ginger on Gilligan’s Island. I’m not one to be rude, but seriously? Look Ginger, if you think you resemble Tina Louise, then I must remind you of Mary Ann. I mean get a grip girl, you look more like Thurston Howell, or the frigging Professor, then you do Tina Louise. Like I said, I’m not one to be rude, but Ginger, you’re delusional.

Ginger, if I had to be shipwreck on a deserted island I would

choose you over Thurston, but that’s only because you won the coin flip.

Another person I had trouble matching a look-alike with was Kevin Emerman of the team formerly known as The Squirmy Bastards. He kindly volunteered that he thinks he looks like the new Browns coach, Mike Pettine, and quite frankly, I do see a resemblance. His teammate/brother-in-law John Consolo was also quick to offer that Kevin looked like Bruce Willis; another one that was not far off. But after considering both of those options, I decided that I would look around a little bit on my own. Now, I have to admit, this one stumped me. Quite frankly, aside from Ron Howard’s goofy looking brother Clint, I couldn’t come up with a person that I felt looked enough like Kevin to do a side-by-side. But that, my friends, doesn’t mean that I couldn’t come up with a reasonable match.

All you have to do is talk to Kevin once, and you’ll agree, this is a reasonable match.

I was talking to Jeff Widmar of Great Balls of Fire, (he's the lunatic who shows up wearing shorts every week) about his success on his diet. He has already lost 11 pounds, and plans to lose plenty more. I asked him what he attributes his weight loss to and he said he's been an athlete his whole life and when push comes to shove, he just breaks back into the mode of his old playing days. Since he's a pretty big guy, I assumed that he was a college wrestler or football player. I asked his wife Patty if she would send me a photo of Jeff in action from whatever sport he played in his youth. I must admit, I didn't expect to see this picture in my inbox.

In addition to his Off-Broadway stint as a ballerina,

Jeff was also a varsity pom-pom girl.

I had the unfortunate experience of talking to John Bosu, of The Bosu Bucci Bocce Bunch a couple of weeks ago. Right from the start I knew I was in trouble. I tried my best to follow what he was saying but I have to tell you, this guy is incapable of finishing one thought before he starts another. He was talking about going to visit his kid down at OU in Athens, and before I knew it he was talking about me putting him on my email list, only he can’t remember what his email address is. Then he told me his wife Jane doesn’t like to play indoor bocce, but that he always thought she looked like Debra Winger. He then told me that back when he first met Jane he thought that he looked like Richard Geer, so naturally he took Jane, his girlfriend at that time, to see An Officer an a Gentleman at the movies. At this juncture, I have no clue what the hell this guy is talking about, where he's going next, and worse yet, I had no clue how to make him stop. It was one of those conversations were you start to daydream about what you would do if you had a gun. Would I shoot John or shoot myself? Both were tempting. The next day I realized, I would shoot myself. Shooting John would only ensure I never had to go through that horrendous verbal gauntlet again, but it wouldn’t stop me from reliving the painful experience I had just endured.