This, That, and The Other

Here’s a quick wrap up of my St. Patty’s Week, that’s right, it’s no longer just a day.

THIS

As some of you know, I have been a judge in the Cleveland St. Patrick’s Day Parade for the last 6 or so years. You might also remember me telling you that My Bowling League would be entering marchers dressed as bowling pins in this year’s parade. Well, that didn’t happen because I realized that having ten pins and no bowling ball leading the way would look a little stupid. I had the pin costumes ready to go, but unfortunately, I couldn’t come up with a bowling ball costume that looked as good or as real as the pins. Then, the day after the parade I saw one of our very own bowlers zipping down the road on his snazzy two-wheeler……………I’m pretty sure I found the missing piece for next year’s parade.


Hey Mike Brown, I have a job for you.


My sister Beth claims I never told her that we pulled out of the parade. She also said that I should have put eye holes in the bowling pin costume. I think she’s right on both accounts.


THAT

Last weekend I went to a restaurant called Stone Mad; it’s an Irish bar on West 65th Street near Detroit Road. If you haven’t been there I would definitely recommend it, well, with one caveat that is. If you order the banana peppers stuffed with the spicy-hot sausage, be prepared to flat out scream the next time you sit on the toilet. If you’re not used to food like that, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get the blow dryer ready and set it on cool. After about 20 minutes of steady blow drying, the pulsating heart beat in my butt-hole finally subsided. This was lucky for me because my son grew tired of holding the blow dryer and pointing it at my ass. The good news for him is that I did keep my word and took him to the Dollar Store right afterwards.


My youngest son just before he learned how to help cool daddy down.


As you can see, my oldest son has had a bit more experience helping dear old dad.

Anyhow, the ambiance at Stone Mad is great; the stone work is incredible, and the menu is terrific. Furthermore, the outdoor patio is beautiful, and believe it or not, this Irish pub has an indoor bocce court for my Italian friends. However, there is one thing that puzzles me; I’m not sure if I should recommend our waitress Rebecca, or if I should tell you to steer clear of her.


Stone Mad Pub, 1306 West 65th Street, 44102…You’ll love it!

Here’s what happened. The hostess seats us, and then our waitress Rebecca comes over and introducers herself. She then points to two other waitresses across the room and informs us that she is training them and don’t be surprised if they come to our table to check up on us and help out with the service. Sounds good to me. Rebecca took our order and by golly, we didn’t see her again until she brought the check. In the mean time the other two servers, Gretchen and Kathleen provided us with outstanding service; we wanted for nothing. Water glass empty, here comes Gretchen, need another round, here comes Kathleen. Shit, when we finished eating the owner himself came to clear away the dishes. This girl Rebecca was doing a great job training and directing the staff at Stone Mad, and I would be certain to tell her what an outstanding job she had done, and to tip her handsomely, which I did.

Now check this out. The lovely Mrs. Lynch sends me out to pull the car up for her, and in the mean time; she uses the lady’s room. Anyhow, Sue’s in the stall when the waitresses, Gretchen and Kathleen come in bitching up a storm about that “lazy ass” Rebecca. Turns out, these two gals have been working there for over a year, and Rebecca is the one who just started last week. Sue also overheard the allegation that Rebecca spent the night going back and forth to the parking lot to provide “service” to her fiancée. Which I might point out, kind of makes me happy she didn’t actually serve me anything. Nonetheless, I have to give her credit, because if it weren’t for her not doing a damn thing, I may have had shitty service.


I’m pretty sure Kathleen and Gretchen had no idea Sue was in that stall. I’m also pretty sure Sue drank too much and forgot to pull her panties down.

So back to the original dilemma, should I recommend Rebecca as your server, I’ve got to go with yes, because if Rebecca’s your server you’re likely to have two well trained waitresses keeping an eye on you all night long. And if I were to recommend Gretchen or Kathleen, odds are they would be too busy covering for Rebecca to actually provide their own tables with adequate service.

Gretchen, Rebecca, and Kathleen; just as Meatloaf sang it, “2 out of 3 ain’t bad.”

AND THE OTHER

The lovely Mrs. Lynch and I went looking for a new stove last weekend. We met a very nice and knowledgeable appliance salesman who introduced himself as Allan. I said, “hello Allan, I’m Marty and this is my wife Sue.” My wife immediately turns her face toward me, smugly looks down her nose at me and says, “I prefer to be introduced as Suzanne.” Now as you can probably imagine, there was a ton of shit I thought about saying to my friendless, bitchy wife, but wisely, I didn’t. Instead, I apologized to her and said let me try this again. At which time I said, “hello Allan, I’m Marty and this is my wife Sue, who prefers to be introduced as Suzanne.” ………. I probably should have left it at sorry dear.

This is the oven that Sue and I originally decided was in our budget.

This is the oven Suzanne “preferred” to break the budget with….Maybe by the time we get done with the 72 easy payments, Sue, errrrrrr, Suzanne will have learned how to cook something besides toast.


Boner Appetit,

Marty Lynch

The King Pin

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