Save The Date?????

Check this out.

Last Saturday night Andrew Ryzner takes Yo Yo, his fiancée to the St. Ann’s reverse raffle and gets her all liquored up on the cheap $2 wine. At 11pm she starts asking Ryzner to take her home because she’s not feeling well. After pleading with him for two hours he finally agrees, begrudgingly, to leave at 1am. Yo Yo quickly falls asleep in the car; meaning that Andrew is going to have to figure out a way to get her into the house, right? Wrong; he has to figure out how to close the car door without waking her when he gets to the Colony Tavern for a nightcap.


Andrew Ryzner at The Colony, doing a little night capping with a couple of perfect strangers.

When they close the bar at 2:30 he returns to the car to find that Yo Yo got, as he puts it, “just a little bit sick on her shoulder and on the inside of the car door.” Because he loves her so much he decided that he should clean her up a bit. Unfortunately there is nothing in the car to wipe her down with. So does “Mr. Knight in Shining Armor” take off his Hugo Boss pin-point shirt and use it to clean her up? Nope, does he use his 100% cotton Hanes undershirt? Nope, how about the Cleveland Brown’s ski hat he found in the glove compartment? Nope, Ryzner decides that he loves her enough to take off his sock and wipe her face down with that.


As Ryzner puts it, Yolonda got “just a little bit sick.”

Here’s where it kind of went bad for the recently engaged Ryzner. When Yo wakes up, is she nestled all warm and snug in her bed? Au contraire; she’s on the floor of the garage, with her feet under the car, she has a sock stuck in her right ear, and her left jug is half way out of her top.


Maybe it’s just me, but Yolonda looks pretty comfortable.

She goes inside to find Andrew lying on the couch with an empty Stouffer’s macaroni and cheese dish on his lap, and a bone dry 2 liter bottle of Dr. Pepper on the floor. She wakes him and learns that after leaving the raffle they came right home; he brought her inside, put her in bed, and fluffed the pillows for her. So all he can figure is that she was so over-served that she must have gone back outside on her own during the middle of the night. She actually believed him, and then apologized for ruining his night. He graciously accepted and thought he was in the clear until someone from the Colony Tavern left a message on their answering machine saying that Yo had left her purse in the bar.


Hey Ryzner, I hope that couch is comfortable, I’ve got this feeling you’re gonna be spending a lot of time there. Now go wash your hands.

Totally busted, Ryzner decides it’s time to come clean. After which, Yo Yo asks him why he took her purse into the bar with him? And this my friends, is the problem with today’s youth; they don’t think before they speak. He looks her in the eye and says, “What do I look stupid, that’s a dangerous neighborhood and I didn’t want someone breaking into the car and stealing the purse; it’s a total pain in the ass to have to cancel all of your credit cards.”


FYI - Ryzner’s previous engagement to Brandi Glass ended after similar circumstances.

Some marriages are made in heaven, but I absolutely, positively guarantee, this ain’t one of them.

I’m still saving the date, but I’m not sure I need to.

Marty Lynch
The King Pin

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