A Minor Correction

It appears that the lovely Mrs. Lynch has lost her sense of humor. In the February 19th blog, the picture I used of her after an exhausting night of bowling did not go over well. Unfortunately she saw it right before we left for the Cooperstown Fundraiser at Casa di Borally last Saturday night. The first thing Sue does when she’s mad is to pull out the old silent treatment. Now, is it just me, or do all men look forward to the silent treatment? It’s like the most peaceful time of my life, shit if they could bottle it, I’d use it every day.

Anyhow, after a nice quiet ride to the banquet, Sue immediately bumps into Sherry Tighe and the whole blog thing comes up. This did not go well for me either. After Sue bends Sherry’s ear about what a dick head I am, and promising that I’ve seen the last of the ole snatchola, Sherry volunteers that she’s quite happy with the photo I used for her. In fact, she said it made her look and feel young and vibrant, and put her in a great mood. Now in Sue’s girl brain that obviously means I must want to screw Lady Tighe, otherwise I would have found a fat, hairy, ugly picture for her as well.

I’m not sure why that old saying, “when you’re in a hole stop digging,” didn’t pop into my head, but I sure wish it had. But no, I decide that I’m a pretty smooth talker and that this was a simple misunderstanding that I could clear up in no time flat. So what did I come up with? I told Sue that I found that picture a while ago and was gonna use it on Mike Brown, but she told me to lay off the fat jokes with him. Then I told her I was gonna use it on Carla Bondra but couldn’t come up with anything; and, since it was such a good picture I hated to waste it. Everything went perfect, Sue seemed to calm down, she even put a little grin on her face; that was at 8:30 that night. I didn’t realize it then, but it turns out, at approximately 8:31, she got in the car and left.

So, in an effort to ensure I don’t go blind, I’d like to offer this editorial correction and updated picture of the lovely Mrs. Lynch.


I think exhausted is the best way to describe how Sue felt after a long night of bowling.


Marty Lynch
The King Pin

To receive blog alerts email mybowlingleague@aol.com, and request to be added to the distribution list ...................and please join the crowd to follow!

February 14, 2010 Recap

At 12 pins over her average, the lovely Mrs. Lynch was the winner of this week’s My Bowling League King award, and was therefore given the rights to the league sausage. Quickly realizing that she’s the last person in the world who would need any additional meat in her life, Sue graciously has placed the big fellow on loan to Sherry Tighe, who as we all know, has been stuck with “the stub” for all these years. Anyhow, Sherry was absolutely thrilled when she got the news.


I think ecstatic is the best way to describe how Sherry felt after Sue gave her the sausage.


I think exhausted is the best way to describe how Sue felt after a long night of bowling.

This week’s Queen will go to our brand new papa, Irv Treibatch. Apparently Irving is not getting much rest these days as his 17 pins below average were just a little more pathetic then Ryan McKinley’s 14 pins south of average.


Hopefully, Queen Irvabella can get some rest soon.

The lovely Mrs. Lynch was able to persuade me (in a Barry White sort of way) to forego this week’s Lady Bug List. It was most certainly an in-disguisable attempt to save TJ Sell and Dave Miller the embarrassment of being repeat recipients of this less than prestigious designation. Though not typically my style, I nonetheless, acquiesced to her wishes.

Now might be a good time to say your goodbyes to the Himmel’s and Sirselle’s who, because of their demanding schedules, won’t be able to participate in the league next year. We will all obviously miss them; that is, assuming you remember who they are. The Kane’s are clearly busy as well, but they will be joining another team next year so that they can continue to accompany us on the annual booze cruise.

Marty Lynch
The King Pin

To receive blog alerts email mybowlingleague@aol.com, and request to be added to the distribution list ...................and please join the crowd to follow!

This, That, and the Other

REALITY

I’m not one to pry into other people’s business, but every now and then I like to check up on the lives of my relatives. I was talking to my 24 year old niece last month, and being the caring uncle that I am, I inquired as to whether or not she was dating anyone. She quickly said “no I’m not seeing anyone and I don’t plan on seeing anyone.” I figured I touched a sore spot and decided to let it go. She’s not a homely girl and should be able to get a date every now and again, so my gut was telling me she probably has a ton of character flaws, or anger issues, or something along those lines. Nonetheless, I gracefully backed off.

It wasn’t until last week that things came into focus for me. I was doing a little creeping on Facebook; you know, checking up on all of my nieces and nephews, making sure that they’re not getting into trouble. I found every one of them, except for Catie, the 24 year old. Turns out, that after hopping around I see her picture in one of my nephew’s friends list; and she’s using an alias. I’m not going to divulge how I made my way onto her page, but suffice to say, Sherlock Holmes ain’t got nothing on me.

As I scoured her Profile, her Wall, her Photos, things became painfully clear; the girl needs professional help. I learned that she is seeing someone, a man she gleefully refers to as her “little Guido Rican.” It also became clear that she is trying to hide her 16 years of Catholic education, (that her parents are still paying off) and worse yet, disavow her Irish heritage. Thank god my dad’s not alive or this would kill him. I don’t have the heart to tell my brother that next month she plans to quit her job, her good job, a job for which she is over paid, and under-qualified. Her brilliant plan is to take out a huge loan and start a local reality TV show called Erie Shores. Apparently her name on the show is going to be Ms. Noogie and her boyfriend will be called The Destination. Well, if you ask me, her life’s destined for failure and misery, but like I said, I don’t like to pry, so I’d prefer if one of you told my brother.


If Erie Shores works, I’m starting the reality show “The Housewives’ of My Bowling League,” and yeah, there will be nudity.

THE FIRST MARTIN V INVITATIONAL OF 2010

I had a Martin V Invitational at the Sell’s house last weekend; I called it a Marty Gras, pretty clever huh? Anyhow, Dick Dongo was there and by golly he just keeps getting dumber. He was complaining about how tough his life is with all this travel he has to deal with, and blah, blah, blah. Anyhow, I asked him what his wife did while he was on the road. Now I’m guessing that every other guy on the planet would have at least looked over his shoulder before answering that question, but not Dickie D. I’m going to try and condense his response, but it went something like this:

“Susanna begins her day with a pot of coffee, followed by dropping the boy off at school. When she returns home, she drains another pot of coffee while she curls up and reads for a couple of hours. She then proceeds to sleep off the caffeine with a refreshing three hour nap. She wakes up about 1pm for the Young and the Restless, or whatever the soap opera is. During the commercials she vacuums; which technically takes two hours, it’s just not continuous. Then at 3pm she swings by the BP station for a 48 ounce coffee to get her to and from the drive to pick up Junior at school. Then it’s back to the couch for some Oprah till dinner time, which apparently is a Lean Cuisine for her and whatever the kids decide to make for themselves. Then Queen Susanna plops her tail back down on the couch for an evening of Lifetime Television Entertainment and a couple of bags of chocolate covered pretzels.”

Now I suppose I could have given him the high sign to tip him off that Susanna was standing behind him the whole time, but for whatever reason, I didn’t. As I watched her mouth begin to grit and her face turn an odd shade of purple, I decided that I would remind motor mouth that it was his wife’s birthday and he might want to cut her some slack. To which he replied “her birthday, I don’t give a shit about her birthday, every damn day of her life is her birthday, she doesn’t do shit.”


Dick Dongo may have thought that a rolling pin was a good birthday present, but I have a feeling he’s going to regret giving her that gift.

THE LAST MARTIN V INVITATIONAL OF 2009

By the way, I had another Martin V Invitational at PJ Buynack’s house at Christmas, and Dave and Diane Koski made their way onto the list. It wasn’t because Diane is my dentist; it was because Dave is PJ’s dentist. Anyhow, I learned a couple of interesting things that night. First, for some reason, one which I can’t actually explain, I mistakenly thought that Diane was Jewish. This new gentile information leaves me with a rather large dilemma; do I break my doctor, dentist, accountant, attorney, Hebrew only rule, or do I ditch Diane and go to the phone book and find the first Rabinowitz DDS that shows up? Fortunately, I only go to the dentist every 7 or 8 years so I’ve got some time.


Diane Koski is nice and all, but I’m thinking Stanley Rabinowitz is a much safer bet.

Another thing I learned was that Dave has decided that since Diane only works 32 hours a week, she should be considered part time. Therefore he pays her at an hourly rate of $8.25, and believe it or not, makes her punch a time clock. The worst part is that she has to use that money to buy groceries and household supplies. Which means that while Dave zips down the road and puts his 2 hour Harry Buffalo lunch on the company visa card, Diane is back at the office brown bagging it in between patients.

By the way, try not to schedule any appointments at their office during the winter; but if you do, make sure you park right next to Dave’s car. This cheap bastard refuses to spend money on rock salt so his parking lot is a sheet of ice from November until April; except of course that little trail of salt that goes from his car door to the back door of his building. I never thought I’d find a person who could make Chip Tighe look like a big spender, and truth be told, I still haven’t. At the same time, I never thought I’d meet someone as cheap as Chip, but thanks to Dave Koski, I have.



That tight-wad bastard Dave Koski prepares to frugally de-ice his parking lot.



Don't forget to watch Miz Noogie, coming this Fall


Marty Lynch
The King Pin




To receive blog alerts email mybowlingleague@aol.com, and request to be added to the distribution list ...................and please join the crowd to follow!

January 31, 2010 Recap

I’d be willing to bet that all of you folks enjoyed the Super Bowl; well, with the possible exception of Brian Himmel and Brian Kane that is. If you recall from last year’s banquet, these two guys shared the “Queer Little Bitch of the Year” award for 2009; and, as I was making my friendly rounds at the lanes last week, I noticed that I was getting the cold shoulder from these two Brian’s. I tried to make a little small talk, I tried asking about their kids, about how the jobs going, you name it; Ole Martin V went out of his way to be cordial. Nonetheless, these two guys wouldn’t talk to me; so I gave up trying.

It wasn’t until later that night when I bumped into Cristen Kane that I learned what was going on. These guys were pissed at me and were pouting all night because they had to bowl instead of going to some Grammy Award party at some little sissy bar they hang out at. Apparently, they had heard that someone named Pink was supposed to put on a spine-tingling performance that would be talked about for decades; and they knew they were missing it. Somewhat, but not entirely shocked, I explained to Cristen that we bowl every other week and as I prepared the schedule, I had to chose between bowling on the night of the Grammy’s or the night of the Super Bowl. She understood completely and said very matter of factly “that’s why they won the queer little bitch thing last year, and that’s probably why they’ll win it again this year.” It sure is tough to argue with that logic.



Kane and Himmel when they realized that the TV monitors at Freeway Lanes weren’t working, and they wouldn’t be watching the Grammy’s this year.

I don’t mean to harp on Himmel, but I may as well get this over with now. Brian is the My Bowling League Queen this week and gets to picture himself in that edgy black sequin dress that Taylor Swift sported on the red carpet runway last week. Brian was a whopping 23 pins below average, and I’m sure much of that off night had to do with the forlorn state he was in. Unfortunately, it gets worse; Melissa Himmel is this week’s Co-My Bowling League King as she wiped up the polyurethane pine wood runway with her 19 pins over average. Good news for Melissa is she finally has a real sausage in her life; perhaps now she’ll have some manly company to hang out with during the Super Bowl, while Brian is busy raiding her clothes closet.


Yo Melissa slow down, remember, you have to share the sausage this week.


Brian Himmel is whipping up an espresso and getting ready for the exciting half time show.

There’s big news in the Getty household as well, as Kathleen tied Melissa at 19 pins over average for her share of this week’s sausage. Mrs. Himmel said she has no problem sharing the meat, and in fact, she kind of looks forward to it.

We also have a nice Lady Bug List this week. The good doctor, Patrick Getty is back where he belongs as he headlines this week’s cast of failures. I will give Getty this; he was at least at his average, so he’s not on the list because he has a huge vajayjay, he’s on the list because his wife’s pecker is just way bigger than his.


Patrick Getty and his thumbtack (left) get ready for a swim; while Kathleen Getty and her junk get ready for a little stationary bike workout.

Other lucky Lady Bugs this week include previous recipients TJ Sell and Matt Creech, along with; you guessed it, Brian Himmel. Once again, Dave Miller was able to squeak his way off the Lady Bug List this week. So for the record, Dave, the 6’3” - 275 pounder, has out pinned his wife Mimi, the 4’ 3” - 81 pounder by a total of 5 pins over the last 6 games. Way to go Miller, you’re showing her who’s the boss aren’t you?

Dave and Mimi Miller all the way back on their first date.

Last Thursday, my wife was reading some crazy French tabloid newspaper with a photo of Angelina Jolie looking way-way hot on the cover. Figuring this might be a good opportunity to score some brownie points with the lovely Mrs. Lynch, I tell her that she looks just like Angelina. She said “honey aren’t you sweet,” then she says, “what a coincidence, I’m looking at a picture of Brad Pitt in this paper and he looks just like you.” Thinking that she was giving me some coded mating signal I sauntered over to her and said “really, let me see the picture.” This is when I realized why my wife doesn’t have any friends; she’s just a mean, insensitive bitch.

The lovely Mrs. Lynch will be sorry when I trade her ass in. I can change being fat, but she can’t change being a miserable nag.

Alright people, you know the drill, mum’s the word, I’ll see you this Sunday.

With warmth in my heart,

Marty Lynch
The King Pin

To receive blog alerts email mybowlingleague@aol.com, and request to be added to the distribution list ...................and please join the crowd to follow!