As you recall, I told you that we would be cutting two teams from the league this year; and, I’m pretty sure that I mentioned the reason would come down to who failed to show up most often. But for the record, the ever compassionate King Pin could not bring himself to ax anyone. So then, let it be known, that by sheer coincidence the two teams that failed to show up most often decided, “on their own” not to re-join us this season. What are the odds of that!
So, it is with great sadness (feigned) that I bid farewell to the old people team, The Bowling Stones. I do take comfort knowing that their Sunday nights will once again be filled with excitement as they shuffle to the end of the hall for Bingo, Parcheesi, and a little Go Fish. I’m confident that while they’re soaking their teeth in polident, sipping on some warm ginger ale, and tapping their canes to the sounds of The Glen Miller Band, they won’t even remember they were ever in this league.
The Bowling Stones, back home again.
The other fond farewell goes to the Grebenc and Gurney team, Alley Oops. Bob “Shrek” Grebenc and his charming wife “Cruella” may not have been the life of the party, but at least they were alive. I’m not sure what I’ll miss more, his blank stare, or her beady eye stare. O.K., I figured it out; I’ll miss Bob’s blank stare more, mostly because Jane’s stare kind of scared me.
Bob & Jane, an unlikely pair.
Their teammates, Mike Gurney and her husband Janet will just be too busy to commit to the leagues rigorous schedule. Mike recently picked up an evening job teaching knitting and needlepoint at a local nursing home….I wonder if he’ll know anybody…… And my goodness, Janet was just named the 3rd shift head diesel mechanic at the Lordstown Lawnboy factory.
Mike & Janet, they've never been happier.
Additionally, the girls from Boccigalupe will not be returning. Like the Gurney’s, a couple of them had some scheduling conflicts and I suggested that they should take the year off and leave in good standing. While I’m saddened, I suspect that this news will certainly please both the waitress, who never received a tip from them, and Terry Wise who was never able to sell a single raffle ticket to the stingy spendthrifts. Nonetheless, I’m sure they too will be missed……. but not so much. Therefore, I’ve taken the liberty of replacing the girls with a hodge-podge of mostly shit, but I figured, how much worse can they be compared to some of the crap we have in this league?
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Boccigalupe, they'll be back sooner or later.
As you can see at the top right hand of this page, we are conducting a poll to determine who should take over the Pimp Daddy reigns vacated by Mike “The Whiney Bitch” Hirsch. It’s not often the King Pin asks you for your opinion; mostly because I don’t care about your opinion. However, the lovely Mrs. Lynch has pointed out that if I select Brian Himmel, people will think that I am a chauvinist. She then told me that if I break protocol and select Melissa Himmel, a female as Pimp Daddy, people will think that I’m a pervert. Then, perhaps in an attempt to comfort me, she says that I shouldn’t really worry about that because everyone already thinks that I’m a chauvinist and a pervert. While I must admit that did make me feel better, I’ve decided that I would give all readers, regardless whether or not they are in the league, the opportunity to offer their guidance. So, I am now kindly asking that all of you make a selection.
With that, you have now completed reading one of the shortest weekly updates in the history of the league. I’ll be back in touch soon, who knows, perhaps with another installment featuring a Bowler Spotlight.
Briefly Yours,
Marty Lynch
The King Pin
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