Bowling Ball Raffle Winners

Hello people who pee without moving, and Chip,

I don’t have any of the video from the banquet to post just yet. It appears that while Eileen Toomey is quick with photos, she’s slow as molasses with video. So, perhaps I’ll just take a moment to cover our raffle winners and get back to you later with the trophy recipients.

Before I do that, I should tell you about the unofficial, My Bowling League “Husband of the Year.” When Edie and Andy Mellen show up at the banquet, my wife tells Andy that Edie was going to get some kind of award. So Andy tells Edie that she was going to win the biggest boobs in the league award; an award, which I should point out, we don’t have yet. I’m not sure what kind of guy would say something like that to his wife, and then spend the next two hours watching her shake and squirm and sweat, never telling her the truth, just laughing. Even when she gets back from the bathroom and tells Andy that she just threw up, he still doesn’t fess up. When she tells him that she may have diarrhea, he says “we’ll leave right after you get your award.” I didn’t realize how many schmucks this league had, but I’m definitely adding Andy to the list. If we did have the Biggest Boob award, I’m thinking Andy would win it. The truly troubling part of this story is why in the world Edie would think that I would do something to embarrass her, or anyone for that matter. I’m probably the one who should be upset.


Andy Mellen, not quite Husband of the Year

The raffle for the seats on the coveted Rules Committee produced two fine additions; Katy Profeta and Dave Toomey. Those difficult league decisions that previously fell solely upon my shoulders, broad though they may be, will now be shared amongst the three of us. Ironically, we’ve had our first meeting and have decided to add a Biggest Boobs in the league award to next year’s program. Dave brought the idea up, Katy said she was fine with it, and though I offered my opposition, it still passed 2-1.


I'm so happy Katy is on the Rules Committee, Dave, not so much.

Speaking of passed, the title of Pimp Daddy for the Strippers has passed from Mike Hirsch to either Brian Himmel or Melissa Himmel, but I’m not sure which. In my mind I pictured the title going to a guy, but Melissa actually held the winning ticket. The Rules Committee hasn’t worked this out yet; Katy thinks it should be Brian, and Toomey voted for Melissa. Both had good arguments; Katy is a traditionalist who firmly believes that there are certain occupations that should only be held by men; quickly citing priest, warlock, and pimp. Dave, who’s not typically a women’s libber, agreed but countered that Brian would not be suitable because he was just presented with the “Queer Little Bitch” of the year award, and that’s not usually on the resume of a high quality pimp daddy. I had hoped that the enlarged rules committee would make these decisions easier for me. It appears to have backfired and my burden is now greater. Therefore, I would welcome anyone to click on the comment section below and offer insight, for or against these individuals, prior to me casting the deciding vote for pimp daddy, or pimp mammy.


Melissa & Brian are already lobbying the Rules Committee for votes.

Speaking of deciding, Maria Gaeta won the “Name the Sausage” raffle and must decide upon a name for our mascot. As an aside, she also won the vibrating sausage, with rechargeable batteries. Now I’m guessing that she must have used that as a throw toy for her dog because I get a letter in the mail last Tuesday telling me that the replacement vibrating sausage that I requested would be shipped within two weeks. I was confused because I ordered these things, paid for these things, and received these things months ago. So I call the 800 number to find out what’s going on. It turns out that my address is still in their system but the letter was supposed to go to Maria. Apparently she sent it back because the motor was burned out and the batteries were not holding a charge. The fella said that they hadn’t seen one in that bad of shape before, and that they weren’t even going to try to fix it; they would just send a brand new one out. So, we’re still waiting on a name, a name that I should point out, will have to meet with committee approval.


Maria has never been happier.

For those of you who did not take advantage of the free lap dances offered by “The Strippers” in the back room at Claddagh, you’re out of luck. They are going back to their standard $3 dual lap dance fee; which I should point out, is still not a bad value in these trying economic times.


The Strippers, soon to be under new management.

Waiting for your help,

Marty Lynch
The King Pin

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