Well, as it turns out, we will not have any video of the awards ceremony after all. I would have no problem telling you that the pitiful film quality and the horrendous camera work on the part of our former videographer, Eileen Toomey was the sole reason for my decision to forego the video clips. While that is true, the real reason for my decision is that upon review, I'm kind of a boring speaker, with very little entertainment value. Next year I'm going to come up with some scripted material, throw it on one of Blomama's teleprompters, unload my amateur camera girl, and I guarantee it will be much better.
In the mean time, here's a quick rehash of the evening. I arrive at 6:30, just in time to confiscate the last parking spot in the city. I immediately begin bitching at the manager of Claddagh for not mentioning the fact that there was an art festival at Legacy Village that night and that every parking spot would be taken by the time we showed up. I soon realized that it wasn't his fault, it was Greg Cira's fault. After all, it was that little bastard who screwed me at the last minute by telling me he was too busy selling signs for the St. Paschal football field to continue on with this mission that he volunteered for. If we had a dick head of the year award he would have definitely won, well, he would have certainly been in the top 10; I almost forgot just how many dick heads this league has.
Longo, Sell, Tighe, Wise, Cira, Grebenc, Hirsch, & Klingman... My Bowling League Dickhead sampler platter.
Anyhow, its time to recognize some exemplary performance by a few of our members. First, our girl Yo-Yo-londa walked off with the "I blow more than all the Stripper's combined" award with her league wide season low average of 84. Right behind her and winning the "I suck more than anyone else in the league except for Yolonda" award was Joann (Roxanne-Stripper #2) Michalos with an 85 average. Neil (George Costanza) Gavin walked off with the "Low Man on the Totem Pole" award for his league wide season low game of 58. He was unable to knock Gabriel Argie off her stool, as she maintained the record for all-time lowest score in league history of 51.
Bob Grebenc dethrone Nick Longo of the "Jackass of the Year" award, largely because his team failed to show up three times during the course of the season, and stiffing Ole Martin V. for the final weeks $40.
The King Pin with Yolonda the blower, and Joann the sucker.
Neil Gavin and George Costanza, or vice versa.
Nick, which in some small Guatemalen towns means "man with testicles on chin," Longo was not completely shut out. In his absence, Cindy Lembach accepted his trophy for the 2009 My Bowling League "Queen of the Year" award. Nick, which is also the Tibetan word for scent of the anus, won this award by being the only fella to hold the "Queen of the Week" title 3 times during the course of the season. (I should point out that this trophy was one of three handsomely crafted awards designed by the lovely Mrs. Lynch.)
Cindy Lembach accepting Nick Longo's Queen of the Year trophy.
Longo's counterpart, and this years winner of the yet to be named Sausage, and the title of 2009 My Bowling League "King of the Year" trophy went to Audrey Cercelle. Audrey who was not in attendance was represented admirably by Cristen Kane. Cristen, (whose husband Brian was a co-winner along with Brian Himmel of the "Queer Little Bitch of the Year" award) has refused to part with the winning trophy, and as I understand it, has cleared a spot on her nightstand for it. Audrey has recently filed a suit to recover the trophy and the case is currently being litigated in smalls claims court. While I'm scheduled to provide testimony next Thursday, I'm hoping that this matter can be resolved prior to that. Regardless the outcome, they won't likely be teammates next season.
Brian Himmel & Brian Kane our QLB's
Cristen Kane tells Abigail Sirselle that possession is 9/10ths of the law.
Speaking of next season, I need to know who is coming back, and I need to know soon. I will be sending a separate email to team captains, but please feel free to jump the gun and email me first with your decisions.
The good doctor, Patrick Getty was anything but a surprise winner of the inaugural "Lady Bug of the Year" trophy. I understand that he has already redecorated his office with this trophy as the centerpiece of his bookshelf. Now patients will not have to look at his eight degrees, all from the University of Chicago, and wonder why he couldn't get accepted to any other college. Instead they'll focus on the trophy; and I'm confident our boy Getty will beam with pride as each and every patient asks him how he "won" that award. I'm not certain what his answer will be, but he should respond with something like, "I received this award because my wife repeatedly made me look more ball-less than any other guy in the league".
Yo Getty, lifting an 8 ounce scalpel all day hardly constitutes rigorous weight training.
By the way, but not that anyone cares, Terry Wise, Sue Wise, Eddie Mellen, and Dee Dee Bondra all won something because they did something good having to do with bowling.
Lastly, we will be starting a My Bowling League Spotlight segment to this blog where will be highlighting one of our members on a weekly basis. if you would like to be "spotlighted" or have a suggestion on a person who should be spotlighted, please let me know. Otherwise, I'll be making my own selections.
Enjoy the Holiday,
Marty Lynch
The King Pin
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