Seasons Greetings!

Now that we have reached the halfway point of the regular season, I’d like to point out a few things that I have observed along the way. Newcomers, Bocce-on-the-Lake have yet to win a single game this season.  I won’t say that they suck because no one on their team has ever played bocce before.  Instead, I will reserve that term for the team that loses to them.   I am confident that it will happen, and I’m even more confident that I will notice.

One thing I did notice is that no one brought in any Christmas cookies to share this year; and by no one, I mostly mean Karen Politi didn’t bring in any cookies.  Last year Karen made a huge tray of assorted cookies for her Sonofa Bocce teammate PJ Buynack. PJ, being a decent human being, was kind enough to share them with all of the My Bocce League members.  Well this year, Karen waited until she was leaving bocce to tell PJ that she hid a tray of cookies in her car for him.  Basically, she said I want PJ to enjoy my baking, but no one else. I never really cared much for Karen in the first place, but at least now I know why; she’s a mean, miserly, miserable woman.

Come to think of it, my sister-in-law Joanne and her Great Balls of Fire teammate, Jeff Widmar, run the Humphrey Popcorn Company.  How tough would it have been for them to whip up an extra batch of that chocolate drizzle popcorn everyone loves so much? Way to spread the Christmas cheer you friggin’ tight wads.

Just another day at the office for the Humphrey Popcorn brain trust

Schweddy Balls, My Bocce League’s season one’s 16^th place team, has the number one seed at the break.  I am pretty sure that’s because their weak link, TJ Sell, is on the injured reserve list with a broken foot.  Knowing that Chip Tighe is his podiatrist, it’s a safe bet that the foot will never heal properly, and TJ’s bocce career is likely over.

TJ and his look alike uncle, Captain Kangaroo

Chip Tighe thought about joining his brother Bill’s dental practice before ultimately deciding that cleaning toe jam for a living was more up his alley.

Lastly, I’m going to be selling Baby-Birth Squares for Yolonda and Andrew Ryzner’s first born on January 4^th.  If I don’t sell all of the squares, and your team has failed to purchase at least four squares, you’ll probably receive a less than favorable shout out in the next blog edition titled “Exposing the Cheap Bastards.”

If Andrew Ryzner is reincarnated as a dog, I bet he would resemble this four-legged creature.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
Marty Lynch
The Court Marshal